\u201cLife does not call in advance to ask if it is convenient.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n Since January 11, days have been made up of fragments. Poor nights due to abdominal pain and diarrhea, short moments of functioning and then back to recovery mode. Several nights I have been in a cold toilet six times. Four hours of sleep is officially sleep. During the day my throat feels thick and sticky and brushing my teeth requires mental preparation. The body determines the rhythm. That rhythm is slow and non-negotiable.<\/p>\n \u201cThose who sleep poorly learn quickly what is really necessary.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n After stopping medication, my bowels became remarkably ambitious. Diarrhea was structural and extra present after drinking food. Surprisingly, cola light really helps. Not symbolic, but practical. In doing so, it promoted from bad habit to functional tool. Sometimes lighting is not complicated. Sometimes it's just on the shelf.<\/p>\n \u201cSome solutions come without a package leaflet.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n Liquid food had reached its limit. It didn't make my stomach happy and neither did I. Since I stopped taking the medication, each bottle gave me a to, full feeling. And six times a day, with every sip, I mumbled the same thing: \"Come on with that glue\"<\/em>. That wasn't a joke. That was self-deprecating with fatigue underneath. Rationally, I knew what was wise. Emotionally it was over.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat's up, don't let yourself be reasoned away.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n The skin on the left side of my face still feels strange. Not painful, but no longer self-evident. When I shave electrically, the device jams there, as if my skin is not participating. It is a direct result of the radiation and my body seems to remember that. At the same time, I see progress. The redness and burning have actually disappeared and ointments are rarely needed. The bump in my neck is almost gone. Only about my beard growth there is still no clarity. That suddenly feels less like a detail and more like a question about how familiar my own face will be.<\/p>\n \u201cSometimes you only recognise yourself when something feels different.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n That's why I started eating solid food again. That goes better than expected, although swallowing later in the meal becomes difficult. There is hardly any taste, at most a shadow. Eating feels like participating again. It's physically clumsy, but mentally lighter. Sometimes feeling rightly wins over theory.<\/p>\n \u201cBeing good to you does not always mean the same thing.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n I've been drinking coffee since today. Not recently, but only today. The caffeine does me good and feels like a gentle push towards clarity. I also had two beers this weekend that I could enjoy. Strong flavors, small sips, long breaks. Testing is now a conscious activity.<\/p>\n \u201cGenching requires attention today.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n Jaero and I do everything together. Groceries, small jobs, replacing cranes and repairs that are just too small to hand over. He makes lunch for both of us and cooks with visible pleasure. It all smells delicious and that helps even though I hardly taste anything of it. We distribute what can and adapt to where necessary. Together it is clearer.<\/p>\n \u201cTogether, it makes lighter, even if it is no less.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n This week Jaero is in the middle of his test week. It requires focus and rest. For him upstairs, for me downstairs. I'm the only person on the couch more often than I love. Not dramatic, but lonely. That silence changes how I feel and shows how important proximity really is.<\/p>\n \u201cSometimes loneliness comes simply through silence.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n As my head increasingly asks for rest, the outside world keeps reporting. Practical matters don't care much about timing or energy. Just when I want to stand still, it turns out that there is a lot to do. That tension makes everything heavier than necessary.<\/p>\n \u201cThe world won't pause if you have to.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n It started on Sunday with a power outage. Without warning. First, get an electrician, urgently. Without electricity, there is no heating. The next day, the rest followed. Call insurance over the meter cupboard. Then the leasing company. Then KIA. Explain, be connected, explain again. The car was towed and I picked up a replacement car in Borne. A diesel-powered manual bus. In the meantime, the \u2018flat gutter\u2019 dossier also continued. Quotations, neighbors, alignment. As if that wasn't enough, the business year also had to be financially closed. Consultation with the accountant, checking figures, making decisions when my head was already full. Together quite a lot.<\/p>\n\u2047 Days in single blocks<\/h4>\n
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<\/a>\u2047 Cola as an emergency facility<\/h4>\n\n
\u2047 Stop with liquid<\/h4>\n
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A skin that is no longer mine<\/h4>\n
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<\/a><\/h4>\n\u2047 Solid food with conditions<\/h4>\n
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\u2047 Coffee only today<\/h4>\n
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\u2047 Doing what you can together<\/h4>\n
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<\/a><\/h4>\n\u2047 Only with Salke on the couch<\/h4>\n
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\u2047 From the inside out<\/h4>\n
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<\/a><\/a><\/h4>\n\u2047 Calling in phases<\/h4>\n
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