Cancer light – Step by step

15:33 The bell that no one wants to hear

It was a call on Friday afternoon at 15:33. I was just preparing a kwis beer tasting. In a few minutes my afternoon changed from light to heavy. Since then, I've been trying to write down everything that happens. Not to get pity, but to keep my head and heart together. These blogs are my way of understanding, sharing and showing how I deal with this. Sometimes serious, sometimes humorous, but always real.

“Life does not call in advance to ask if it is convenient.”

⁇ All at once

It was inconceivable. All information, assumptions, interpretations, thoughts. They stormed into my head at the same time. Sudden fears, unexpected crying, but also moments when I sat on the couch screaming with laughter for an absurd thought.
My sister-in-law said it aptly: “So many thoughts fly through your head, but nothing comes out.”
That's exactly how it felt.

Sylvia and I were in a whirlwind of ‘what if’ scenarios. When? What do you have to arrange? What do you say to whom? And above all: How do you keep track of it yourself?

“Sometimes your head is a whiteboard full of questions without a marker.”

⁇ Step by step

It drove us crazy. So we decided to keep it simple.
Our motto now is: step by step.
We look no further than what we can see.
Bears on the road we chase away when they are actually in the middle of the road. There is no point in looking around the corner; There is usually a new bear.

Same with this blog. Someone asked me: “Should you do this already, Henro? What if it's all going to be okay later? Maybe wait until everything is clear?’

But that's exactly the point. There comes Not a clear moment. In the six days since I heard it, every statement has been adjusted, every appointment has been moved, every detail has turned out to be just a little different.
If I wait until it's stable, I'll never write. So I'm writing now.

‘He who waits for certainty writes only his memory.’

Communication as Chaos Discipline

What I never expected is that talking about cancer is sometimes more complicated than having cancer.
Everyone means well, but the conversation quickly derails.
People seek guidance, and that's sweet, but it leads to a stream of well-intentioned opinions, advice, conspiracy theories and smoothies with questioning ingredients.

I get it. People want to help. Only: There is nothing concrete to help.
So we talk, we sometimes laugh at the absurdity, and we take a deep breath.
Step by step.

“People want to help, even if there is nothing left to help.”

⁇ For now

We try to fill our days with what we can do. Small things, clear.
Today is good enough if today succeeds.
We'll see tomorrow.

Here's how we do it: step by step, Sometimes stumbling, sometimes smiling, but always together.

‘Heaviness may have light. And light sometimes weighs surprisingly much.”