Chapter 1 – The fall of the smartphone
My beautiful phone is broken. The inner screen doesn't work anymore. Don't panic: I have a warranty and a Business Extra package from KPN. This means: courier at home and a loan device for as long as the repair takes. Don't worry, I thought. But I should have Googled "Kafka + Customer Service + KPN".
“The expectation was premium service. The reality: a premium maze.”
Chapter 2 – The Walk to Nothingness
On Wednesday 25 March I walked optimistically into the KPN store. Tight plan, right? Just swap it out. But that's where the misery began:
“You are a business person? Then we can't help you. You must call 1200.’
“But I'm here now?”
“Yes, but you need to call. Then you will also receive a loan device. We cannot do that.’
So I was standing in the parking lot in front of the store, continuing my own customer journey via an automated telephone line.
“Sometimes being physically present is not enough to exist as a customer.”
Chapter 3 – The robot sends an e-mail
1200 calls provide an automated voice, which sends me a text message with a link. I use this link to register my device at home. A day later I receive an email with instructions to use my phone to be sent. Wait a minute... send it? Didn't I have a courier service?
“Digital convenience only becomes complicated when no one understands what it should do.”
Chapter 4 – ‘Patience please’ is the new ‘I will help you’
Friday 28 March I'll call customer service. ‘All going well, sir!’
‘Yes, but...’
“Tut tut, please be patient.”
Monday 31 March I'll call again. Same answer. And again that nasty gut feeling: Something's not right here.
‘When ‘everything goes well’ sounds more often than ‘I see what you mean’, you know: it's not going well.”
Chapter 5 – The turn of the plot at 5 p.m.
Around 5 p.m., I'll take a last guess. “Okay, sir, this is not going well at all. You had 0800-0403 You have to call and there personal need to log in to your device.’
So I'm calling 0800-0403.
Withdrawal period: 20 minutes.
The employee answers the call and I explain my story. Her reaction?
“You must call 1200.”
"Go ahead!" I say. And I give a short, sharp summary of my adventure so far.
Then there's the blow to the flames:
‘Ah... wait a minute... you're calling now large business. You are probably small business. In that case, you must 088-0402 call. This is just KPN, but then another branch.’
I repeat that I have taken out a subscription — with KPN. And that I have been in contact — with KPN. But apparently it was the wrong KPN.
“Sometimes one organisation is more like a collection of islands without bridges.”
Chapter 6 – The climax: service without service
The employee acknowledges that I am right, but unfortunately: The repair service is already closed. She gave me three phone numbers. No promise, no confirmation. Just: Good luck tomorrow.
In the background, after yet another moment of repetition and denial, my wife shouts:
‘WHAT A BAD SERVICE!’
She's right.
“Sometimes one scream says more than 20 conversations.”
Chapter 7 – Postscript: The Smile After the Storm
As a client, I don't want prince treatment. I want clarity, succession and ownership. If an organization sells premium service, the route to help shouldn't be an obstacle course. I'm not talking about the phone. It's about respecting time, clarity in communication and human involvement.
“Service is not a promise on paper, but an experience in practice.”
English (UK)